Tranquil retreat causes unrest

- excerpts from Grace Jenko's 'Little book of client horror stories'.

When I was still installing landscapes, as a young – well, younger, and energetic landscaper – I was contracted to design and install a Japanese style garden for a client. I say Japanese style because I do not have the hubris to think that I could do an authentic Japanese garden, particularly not in a Perth suburb.

The job posed many interesting problems, not the least of which was the client's expectation that a Kyoto temple garden could arise from a quarter acre of buffalo grass in the middle of a Perth summer.

Access was through the garage, my preferred bobcat driver's machine needed clearance of 1.97m and we had 1.99m. He uncomplainingly lowered the pressure on his tyres and actually tiptoed through with 30 tonnes of granite rock to be utilised and 60m³ of soil and grass that had to be removed, without breakage or scraping. No further explanation of why he was my favourite operator should be necessary…

My team and I laboured away for several weeks. The 30 tonnes of rock was duly installed as steps, stepping stones, rocky outcrops and water features, seamlessly joined with concrete and a special render I made with coarse sand.

The 60 azaleas and 25 camellias were planted for their season. The only trees that will colour up in Perth were selected and planted for the autumn glory. Dwarf flowering prunus species were selected for the blossom season, conifers were selected for moody accents and screening, the two pond and pebble lined creek system was constructed. A simple bamboo pipe was selected for the water feature (not one of those ridiculous deer scarers – wild deer not being a problem in Perth and the noise drives most people nuts).

A gorgeous little teahouse was sourced from an American website, the plans duly bought and a local pair of carpenters constructed it. A tori-ii was constructed of recycled power poles and some 100 year old Baltic pine and painted scarlet, as the piece-de-resistance.

I contracted an artist friend, Fiona, to build a temple to pop the statue of the Virgin Mary in. The client had given me approximate dimensions for the statue of half a metre height. Fiona sat with a pile of rocks for two weeks, muttering and swearing, and then made the most exquisite miniature roofed Shinto temple that appeared to defy gravity. We even put a light in it.

The finished garden, if I do say so myself, was pretty stunning. Everyone who had worked on the project was immensely satisfied with the result. The reticulation system (always essential in Perth for a garden of this nature) was discreet and efficient. The rockwork was impeccable. The plantings were dramatic, balanced and designed to give a marked and very Japanese seasonal palette. The structures were elegantly designed and beautifully finished. The water feature was peaceful and meditative. The lighting was not overpowering, but enhanced the garden by night.

Then the client came home.

He literally screamed abuse at me for an hour. I declined to be screamed at for any longer than that and left after presenting my bill. The abuse could be broken down into the following categories:

• The garden didn't look like the temple pictures.
• All the plants were too small (the trees were all advanced specimens – the largest I could buy for the budget).
• The bamboo pipe reminded him of a village in Java which was apparently a traumatic memory.
• The statue of the Virgin Mary was 6´5" and came complete with neon blue and pink robes and red lippy.
• His barrister would look at the garden and agree that I would never be paid the $18,000 he owed me.

When the barrister came the next morning I was there with my solicitor – quite comical, lawyers at dawn.

The delightful elderly neighbour who had stickybeaked and offered much advice during the construction was hanging over the back fence to watch the showdown, and my off-sider, David, was trying to look tough and scary as a support.

The barrister walked around the various levels, played with pebbles in the stream, sat in the teahouse and sniffed the scented creepers, then came back along the raked gravel path, down the rock steps and said these immortal words to his glowering client, "You're an idiot. Pay her the #@^!#** money."

The sad afterword?

The neighbour told me later that the client was in such a sulk he turned off the watering system and let everything die.

Editor's note:

1. Understand the legal obligations of both client and contractor.
2. Outline the terms of agreement clearly in writing with well-defined criteria, milestones and payment terms.
3. Get both parties to sign and date the agreement, and have it witnessed.
4. Carry out a functional site analysis to ensure important information, is identified. For example, access points and sufficient bobcat clearance.
5. Provide clients with actual samples of plantings or garden features (if possible). You can also get them to visit similar local gardens if you think they don't understand various design aspects.
6. Document any changes and get them signed off by the client (also known as change control for quality assurance purposes).
7. Get the client to nominate another person who can approve changes in their absence.
8. Clarify any points that you're uncertain about – do not presume you know what they mean if it hasn't been clearly stated or defined. The statue is a good example where size was important.
9. Try to remain calm when dealing with difficult clients. If necessary, postpone discussions to give parties time to assess the situation rationally. Ask colleagues or friends their advice when dealing with difficult clients or complex situations.
10. Seek legal advice in extreme situations or arrange further meetings with an independent mediator.

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